Relationship
Everything and everyone is in relationship. Nothing is isolated or separate. To be in relationship to our present environment and situation is our natural disposition. When we’re born, the first relationship we have is with our mother or mother figure. Gradually we become aware of ourselves as a separate individual, we become aware of what is us and what’s not us. This process of differentiation continues on many levels - physically, emotionally and mentally.
As a new-born baby we’re not aware of anything that’s not us - and so we’re not aware of any relationship with anything. As we differentiate ourselves we develop a relationship with what we perceive to be other than ourselves. At first, we develop a relationship with the world with a disposition of trust and acceptance. However at various points in our life something will happen to cause us to withdraw from this disposition. We will be touched by life in some way that will cause us to react and withdraw our trust and acceptance of life. And so the disposition that was totally open, trusting, accepting and loving is lost. The degree to which this happens varies from person to person but no one is totally immune from this.
So by the time we mature as adults we have all kinds of reactions to the world and others. Our relationship to the world, others and even ourselves is not totally loving. If we’re to continue to grow as adults then we can begin to heal the wounds of our past. These wounds are presently evident as a refusal to love.
So what does it mean to love? To love is to remain open, trusting, accepting and therefore vulnerable in each moment; it means to be in open relationship with your present situation and circumstance; it means having energy free of ourselves to give to others; it means having attention free of ourselves to give to others. To be open and in relationship requires this free energy and attention. When energy and attention are not free then we become self involved and self concerned; we keep our energy to ourselves and our attention is focused on ourselves.
So how does meditation help us in this growing, this loving? Well it doesn’t necessarily! It very much depends on our approach to meditation and life. We can certainly learn about ourselves in meditation but this is a double edged sword. We can either use what we learn to go beyond ourselves, to love, or we can simple use it as a means of self involvement, self interest and self concern.
To love is to go beyond our limited self and its reactions and embrace the world and others in open relationship. To refuse to love is to remain self concerned and avoid relationship.
In time we come to see that there’s only relationship and that to remain in relationship places a demand upon us - the demand to love. If we refuse this demand then we’re simply avoiding relationship.
When, through the process of meditation and understanding, consciousness awakens and the sense of a separate self dissolves, then all relationship is seen as arising within consciousness. Consciousness is the loving state of perfect relationship and total connectedness and when you awaken as it, your separate self will gradually dissolves in it. This dissolution of the separate self shows itself in a lack of self concern, responding rather than reacting and an availability to others.
So the circle becomes complete - from birth and a state of oneness without relationship to the awakening of consciousness - oneness and totally free relationship.